Should I marry him/her? 5 Pieces of Advice (LDS perspective)
Whether you are in this situation or one similar I hope I can help you out! This is a scary and important decision to make!
President Kimball taught: “‘Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.”
It's okay to be scared! Even terrified!
When I started talking to my boyfriend about getting married it was so exciting! I loved him and knew I wanted to marry him... but I knew I still needed to pray about it and everything.
Then suddenly, a few days later, I was scared out of my mind. Nervous, anxious, and just... a little scared. It took me some time to realize that... it's okay! I contacted my friend who recently got married and explained what I was going through. She told me that she went through to same thing!
Yay for not being alone!!
She explained that she had even called her mom crying and had to be assured that getting married is okay (haha).
Then I remembered something. While I was on my lds mission I struggled a lite bit with anxiety. I talked to a counselor for a few weeks and she told me something very important:
Anxiety is the feeling you get when going on a roller coaster. It's a feeling of fear but also of excitement and its okay to feel that way!
2. Take time to ponder
I find it very important and helpful to take time away from everything else and ponder. You don't even have to be thinking about marriage.
Put your phone and any other distractions away.
Pray.
Read.
Sit in Peace.
Read your Patriarchal Blessing.
Go to the temple.
I promise these things can make a world of difference to you, especially if you are seeking peace. It's hard to find that peace these days. God knows what you are going through and He knows how to help you. Let Him in and give him time to get through to you.
3. Talk to those who you trust
Express some of the things you are feeling with not only your partner/fiance/SO, but also with friends and family that can help you. I have found that sometimes I just need to talk to someone and suddenly I find what I'm looking for... Like magic!
Talk to your parents, they have done this before! Sometimes it can be hard talking to your parents if you aren't as comfortable with them, but give it a try! Do you have any siblings that could give you advice?
Don't ever forget that God will always be there even if you have nobody else to turn to. If you are willing to listen to what God has for you then He will never lead you astray.
4. Listen to the Pros
As a Family Science major I read quite a bit of books about successful marriages and dating. There are so many resources out there to help you know if you are making a good choice.
Here is a personal favorite! "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk". I LOVED this book! It outlines so perfectly what you want to find in a future spouse. It also helped me learn so much about myself, what I want, and what I can improve on.
(Can find cheaper used ones)
I also have many blog articles that go over the principles taught in this book! -----> Find them here! <-------
5. Don't overthink it!
I know, but how can you not overthink a situation this big?! Well.... you have a good point. BUT... I have some advice.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by it then take a break. Stop thinking about it for a while and distract yourself with a book, homework, friends, even Netflix (my favorite distraction).
Don't make decisions when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired... or OVERWHELMED.
Instead, think about it when you are at peace, happy, and when you can feel the spirit. Don't think about it too much. You WILL know if it is right or not. You could be fighting the answer... but you will know.
Remember the quote from President Kimball that I had at the beginning of this page! :)
GOOD LUCK! I LOVE YOU ALL!
